


Not here to watch

by Captainmintyfresh



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mild descriptions of violence, Punching, Street fighting, eddies pov, like 2 whole swear words, post 3x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 23:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21145280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captainmintyfresh/pseuds/Captainmintyfresh
Summary: Buck finds out about Eddie's new hobby and goes to talk him out of it. it doesn't quite go as planned.





	Not here to watch

Eddie kicked at the dirt as cheers raised around him. He let his eyes flick from the floor to the fight ending in the circle of people ahead as Wilkins finally moved from his perch overlooking the fighting and pulled The victor off of the man bleeding into the sand beneath them.

It kept his attention for long enough for Wilkins and Barnes to announce that the next fight didn’t include him before he was returning his eyes to the dirt, tracing lines in the sand with the edge of his shoe.

He didn’t get it, the watching. Sure it was interesting at first, for a fight, maybe two but after that it all seemed the same. He didn’t come to watch. If he wanted to see people in pain he’d just take on another shift at the station.

“Mind If I sit?.” Eddie’s head snapped up fast enough he was surprised he didn’t break his neck as the familiar voice floated from amongst the cheers.

“Buck?” Eddie gaped. Buck didn’t wait for an invitation, just settled next to him on the truck. “What are you doing here?” Bucks eyes flickered over the circle of people, brow furrowed and teeth worrying his lower lip.

“Could ask you the same thing.” Buck said humorlessly. “You know, when Lena said I’d find you here I thought she was lying.” 

“Why did she tell you?” Eddie asked hotly.

“Maybe because I’m your best friend and you’re being an idiot?” Buck said. Eddie shot him a glare. “You turned up to work covered in bruises, of course I was going to ask questions.”

“Well, now you have an answer.” Eddie said. “You should go.”

“Eddie you can’t seriously want to fight ag-”

“I didn’t come to watch.” Eddie said.

“Eddie-”

“Why are you here?”

“I’m here to help you” Buck said. Eddie wondered how many times over the past month he’d wished to hear Buck say that. How many times he’d prayed that a knock on the door would be Buck asking to be let in. How many times he’d launched himself at his phone as it rang hoping that it would be Buck reaching out, giving Eddie permission to say fuck the lawsuit and let things return to how they were. 

“I don’t want your help.” Eddie said, and he didn’t, not anymore. He’d wanted it, but now he had something, he had a way to help himself. A way to silence the endless worries bouncing around in his mind for long enough for him to have a coherent thought. “Go home.” Bucks brow furrowed further, his tongue jabbing at the side of his mouth.

“Fine.” He said, pushing himself up and stomping away footfalls kicking up clouds of dust. Eddie forced his eyes back to the ground, to not watch Bucks retreating back. He closed his mind against the whisper of it being too easy, of Buck not caring enough to really try to stop him.

It was what he wanted. He wanted to fight, wanted to let the pain blooming in his knuckles drown out the sounds of his worries. Wanted to unleash the coiled snakes of rage that had been pulsing under his skin ever since he realised how alone he was when Buck had thrown him and Christopher aside without even an explanation.

He breathed in, Tasted the alcohol in the air. Felt the snakes coiling tighter as the image of Buck walking away flashed into his mind. He breathed out, resting his elbows on his knees, felt the press of yesterday's bruises pulling at his skin. His brain fell silent, his focus went back to breathing. Soon there would be more bruises, soon he’d be distracted from everything but whoever was throwing punches at him, trying to beat out their own problems. Soon.

“Diaz!” Eddies head snapped up at the call of his name. Shoving himself off of the side of his car and making his way to the center of the throngs of people as the loser from the last fight stumbled from the ring.

“We have a newbie tonight.” Barnes called, he and Wilkins, the leaders stood amongst the most densely populated area, flames from the trash can fires either side of them, marking them out as the one place your eyes are sure to go when there’s no fight. “He asked for you special.” he continued.

“Give it up for Buckley!” Wilkins finished. Eddie blinked dumbly. The crowd parted, giving way for one Evan Buckley as he emerged from behind Wilkins car, where Eddie knew the fees for fighting were placed.

_ He didn’t leave  _ Eddies mind screamed.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Eddie scoffed. “I thought you went home.”

“And leave you here alone? No thanks.” Buck hummed, shoving his hands deep in his jean pockets as he rocked on his heels. “Figured I’d see what’s so great about this new hobby that you’d risk for your life for it.” Eddies rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to call Buck out for being dramatic.

“You gonna fight or not?” Barnes hollered.

“No.” Eddie said.

“Yes.” Buck answered.

“I’m not going to fight you, Buck.” Eddie scoffed. The crowd booed. Buck grinned.

“What? First you don’t need my help now you don’t want to fight me? Feeling a bit shunned here. G.I.” 

“I won’t fight you.”

“Thought you weren’t here to watch?” Buck prodded.

“Fight!” Someone screamed. Eddie shifted his weight, eyes narrowing.

“I don’t want to fight you.”

“Don’t you?” Buck said. “Because you seemed pretty pissed at me the other day in the store. Sure you thought about it, didn’t you?” Eddie glowered as Buck prowled towards him. Cocky smirk in place. “What was it you were saying? I’m Selfish? You know its funny now you calling me selfish when here you are only thinking about yourself, not even considering what this would do to Christo-” The cheers of the crowd echoed as Eddie threw himself at Buck, sending them both crashing to the floor. He heard Bucks gasp his head cracked back against the ground. His hand fisted in the front of Bucks shirt.

“Don’t talk about Christopher.” Eddie hissed.

“Why?” Buck asked, blood on his tongue, no doubt having bit it when Eddie tackled him. “Someones gotta think about him since you’re clearly not.”

“That’s not fair.” Blue eyes stared up at him.

“Isn’t it? You think Christopher wants you doing this?” 

Eddie pushed himself off of the ground. Half-hearted cheers surrounded him, the crowd moved to clap him on the back as Buck clamored to his feet. Eddie shrugged them off, eyes steady on Buck as he used the back of his hand to sweep blood away from his lip, Blood Eddie had put there. Eddie swallowed, forcing away the nausea rising in his chest. He could still feel the anger thrumming in his veins. “Go home, Buck.”

“Who said I was done fighting?” Buck grinned, flashing his blood-stained teeth. The crowd started to reassemble as Wilkins began announcing the next fight. 

“What?” 

“Well that was just the first fight and i feel like you went easy on me” Buck said. “Need to catch up to you right? How many have you been in now?”

“Buckley!” Wilkins called, Buck turned to walk into the newly formed circle. Eddie caught his arm before he could move out of reach, tugging him back around.

“This is ridiculous.” Eddie said.

“Yeah. You’re right. How about we go get a beer instead?” Buck hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe find a way to deal with our emotions that doesn’t end in someone getting beaten up?” 

“I’m not leaving.”

“Then I’m fighting.” Buck shrugged.

“Anderson!” Wilkins called.

Eddie blinked at the man that walked into the ring, mouth gaping as a soft laugh bubbled out of him.

“You’re kidding.”

“What, you don’t think I can take him?” Buck asked voice full of faux innocence.

“Buck. Go home” Eddie sighed.

“Come with me.”

“I told you I'm not leaving. You made your point, it didn’t work now go-” 

“If I was here to make a point I would have brought Christopher to watch so he could see what his Dads doing when he says he’s at work.” Buck hissed. Eddie’s eyes narrowed, eyes flickering to Bucks car as if he’d spot Christopher in the back seat, as if Christopher wouldn’t have made himself known the moment Eddie had hit Buck.

“You wouldn’t.” Eddie realised.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t. Because that kids already been through too much already. He doesn’t need to see his dad getting the shit kicked out of him. He doesn’t need to worry that his dads not going to come home because he’s more interested in being this decade’s Tyler Durden than being a father.”

“That’s not fair.” 

“No, not fair is when Christopher loses you because you get a rib through a lung, or a brain hemorrhage. Or when he’s taken away from you by social services because they find out what you’re doing here.” Anger bloomed in his chest, his blood rushed hot through his veins like a wildfire. Eddie took a step closer.

“Are you threatening-” 

“It’s not a threat, it's a fact.” Buck snapped. “No social worker would let you take care of a kid when you clearly can’t take care of yourself.”

“Fuck you, Buck. Christopher-” 

“BUCKLEY!” Wilkins called. “You in or out?!” Buck raised an eyebrow, as if he expected Eddie to answer for him. To pull him out of there. Eddie crossed his arms, squaring his jaw. If Buck wanted to fight he could fight. Eddie wasn’t his damn keeper.

“I’m in.” Buck called, backing into the ring. Eddie rolled his eyes. When he looked back. Bucks demeanor has changed. Gone was the cocksure attitude as He and Anderson begun to circle each other. 

Buck had never looked small before, he wasn’t small. No one who stood at 6 foot 2 could look small even if they were slim, and Buck wasn’t. He had the body of someone who worked out, he had the body you’d expect when you thought firefighter. Wide shoulders and hard muscles ready to battle the elements.

Buck had never looked small, but Anderson..Anderson was  _ huge _ standing a handful of inches over Buck with hair shorn close to his skull, leaving nothing to tug at and scars lining his skin like veins and next to him, next to him Buck looked like a kid playing dress-up. 

It hit Eddie that buck was really going to fight. He was going to fight and he was going to lose. 

Anderson threw a bunch. Eddie held his breath as it careened towards bucks face, fast and hard. His heart lurched. Buck dodged, sliding under the swing of the meaty arm and dancing out of the way. His eyes met eddies. 

Eddie let out the breath he was holding as bucks eyes dare him to stop it. To call the bluff and demand he leave, to admit just how stupid this was.

But…Eddie needed this, He needed a way to let out the bitterness coiling inside him, twisting through his veins and poisoning him. It was better here than letting it out somewhere else. Than getting into another fight on the street. He wasn’t going to let Buck ruin it for him. If Buck wanted to try and prove some stupid point by getting his ass handed to him by some steroid junkie then fine, that was Bucks problem, not his.

He settled in his place. Watching the fight as the two danced around each other. Unlike in his fight with Eddie Buck seemed to actually try somewhat. It didn’t take long for the first blow to land, a glancing one by Anderson that had Buck stumbling. Eddie’s fingers tightened at his biceps.

_ This is his choice  _ Eddie thought. Buck landed his own punch, fist colliding with Andersons stomach and drawing a surprised grunt out of him. The victory was small. In getting close enough to land the hit Buck had also got himself close enough to get hit. Anderson swung right, hand aiming for the side of Bucks head.

Andersons fist hit its mark. Buck went down, hard. He hit the floor with a bang audible even over the crowds cheering. Eddie shifted, tilting slightly so he could see Buck on the floor over the heads of some of the onlookers. The birthmark above his eye was hidden in a blooming red welt.

_ Get up  _ Eddie thought, as Buck heaved in a breath that looked like it hurt before he was spinning over trying to scramble up a second too slow. Andersons foot slammed into his chest, sending him back to the ground with a shout. This time Anderson didn’t waste a second, he launched forwards, straddling Buck as he tried to recover from the shock of what had to have been a hard kick, fists raining down on Bucks face in quick succession barely giving him a breath between his right fist landing and his left fist catching his other cheek as his head ricocheted from the first punch. 

Eddie stepped closer. Eyes locked on the two men as Buck fought to find a second to pull his arms up to defend his face. 

They were going to call it. Any second now someone would pull Anderson off of Buck and Buck would run home with his tail between his legs and leave Eddie to cope with his problems however the fuck he wanted. Bucks head was like a pinball, snapping between Andersons fist and the hard ground beneath them. 

Any second now. Eddie eyed Wilkins and Barnes. The two stood watching the fight. Wilkins winced as a groan ripped from the ring but he didn’t step forward to stop it. Barnes just smiled, muttering to one of the crowd with a laugh.

Buck finally managed to get his hands up, twisting beneath Anderson to tuck himself into a ball. Legs lifting towards his chest and arms hooked around his head in an ineffective block. Anderson went for another punch.

Some people turned away, putting their backs to the fight, like if they couldn’t see it it wasn’t happening. Others cheered for blood, hollering like a mob, chanting as hit after hit landed on Buck’s curled body. Anderson paused, the cheers grew louder, angrier as his eyes moved to Wilkins and Barnes. Eddie almost breathed a sigh of relief, he knew, he knew Buck couldn’t take anymore, he knew the fight was over. Wilkins waved a hand, fingers twirling, a silent ‘continue’. The cheers were deafening. A whisper barely audible as it rippled through the crowd. 

More people turned away, those who didn’t want to watch scurried to their cars. Those who did got louder, the circle getting tighter around Buck and Anderson. Their screams came out thrumming like a heartbeat. Anderson smiled, his fist reeled back. Wilkins turned towards his car. Barnes took his place, lips curled in an expectant smile that looked more like he was barring his teeth. 

No one was going to stop the fight. 

“Stop!” Eddie whispered, stumbling forwards, blood frozen in his veins. Anderson stood, reeling back a leg and letting it lose at Bucks back. Buck screamed. “That’s enough!” Eddie howled, unheard over the thrill of the crowd. He ran forwards, elbows slamming into waists as he tried to scurry through the crowd before Anderson could get another kick in. “You’re going to kill him!” his words were once again lost under the calls of the onlookers. Bucks cry as another kick hit him echoed over the noise. “STOP!” Eddie screamed, loud enough for the words to tear at his throat leaving it feeling raw. Anderson went for another kick.

He pushed through the last few people, stumbling into the circle. It was worse, when the bodies around weren’t hiding the splatters of blood on the dirt around Buck. For a moment his feet were glued to the floor, his eyes locked on Buck still trying desperately to curl further in on himself. A scream ripped through him again as Andersons foot landed in the middle of his back. 

Eddie rushed forwards. Throwing his body weight behind him as he barrelled bodily into Anderson to stop him hitting Buck again. The man stumbled back a few meagre steps, barely enough to let Eddie get himself firmly between Buck and the mountain of a man. The crowd went silent. His heartbeat echoed in his ears.

“That’s enough!” 

“Barnes didn’t say stop.” Anderson spat, stepping forwards again. Eddie met him in the middle, shoving him again. This time he expected it, Eddie felt like a child as the man barely moved. Buck whined behind him.

“Well I’m saying it! Back off. It’s over.” Eddie hissed. Anderson puffed up his already too large chest. Mouth opening on a snarl.

“Anderson.” Barnes hummed, voice oh so soft, gliding over the quiet crowd like a fog. The tension leached out of Anderson in a moment. Barnes turned towards his car and just like that it was over. The crowd let out a collective sigh before footsteps were kicking against the sandy ground and everyone was retreating to their cars, preparing to leave. 

Eddie stayed in place long enough to see Anderson climb into Barnes’s car and pull out of the lot before he was turning on Buck.

“Buck? Buck-” His knees knocked against the floor with a clap. His hands floated at Bucks back, terrified to touch. “Buck?” Bucks hands shook as he lowered them. His face was stained with blood, already painted black and blue with bruises. One eye fluttered open, the other was hidden, lost beneath a mound of red hot swelling. “Dios, Buck-” Buck shifted. “Don’t move.” Eddie tried, Buck ignored him, spitting out a glob of blood into the dirt before he rolled over with a groan that Eddie felt in his bones.

He watched, hands still hovering as Buck sat up, body teetering dangerously for a moment before he seemed to get his balance. 

The last car left, bathed in darkness save for a few trash cans burning with an orange glow that only seemed to pronounce the bloody canvas of wounds on bucks face.

“So who am I fighting tomorrow?” Buck choked out. Eddies blood ran cold.

“You’re not coming back tomorrow.”

“If you’re here I’m here.”

“Buck.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with you man but I promise you there is a better way to solve it than coming here.”

“ I have to-” Eddie said, pushing himself up hands scrubbing through his short hair.

“No you don’t, Eddie, You don’t need to be here!”

“Yes. I do-”

“No! You don’t.” Buck snapped following Eddie up clumsily. “You need to be at home, with your son. Not risking your life-”

“I’m not risking my life! I wouldn’t let it get that bad!” Eddie growled. 

“How do you know?! It takes one hit! One goddamn hit to push your cartilage into your brain and that's it, you’re dead. Christophers alone.”

“Buck-”

“Maybe you wouldn’t kill anyone but some of them would and the rest would cheer them on as they did it. All it took for it for my fight to go from a fight to attempted murder was permission.”

“That was…” Eddie thought of the way everyone turned away, of how people seemed to know when the fight had turned from a normal one to something far more sinister. How the half he crowd had walked away so they could feign ignorance, pretend they didn’t know what would have happened if Eddie hadn’t stopped it. “..I didn’t know it got like that. I didn’t know people would go that far.” 

“It’s a fight club Eddie! It’s not going to be sunshine and roses. Of course people are going to go that far. What did you think was going to happen? Why would you even come here in the first place?”

“Bosko-”

“You should have left! Or called the cops, not decided to join in!”

“I didn’t know what else to do! And she was the only one trying to understand and help-”

“Help? This isn’t help this is assisted suicide, and she wasn’t the only one! I’m your best friend you could have talked to me rather tha-”

“No I couldn’t!” Eddie screamed, spittle flying as he lunged closer to Buck. anger pulsating. Once again, Buck didn’t back down. “You were gone! You only cared about your goddamn job and you left me!”

“You going to hit me again? Make yourself feel better?” Buck laughed, the sound rattled wetly around the blood in his mouth. “Do it.” A droplet of blood fell from the end of his nose, splattering on the ground between them. “DO IT!” Buck shrieked, hands pushed at his chest. Eddie punched before he could think about it, Fist connecting against hot skin. Buck dropped to the ground.

Eddie blinked at the blood on his knuckles. his heart galloping in his chest. He’d punched him earlier, he’d made him bleed earlier but this was different. Bucks blood felt like acid on his skin. Bile crept up his throat. His fingers poked at the blood, pressing against it, trying to scrub it off but it just spread, smearing over his hands.

“Again.” Eddies gaze moved back to Buck. once again standing in front of him. The world was muffled as he looked at the swollen lump at Bucks eye. 

He’d hit him.

He’d hit Buck.

Christopher would never forgive him. Buck would never forgive him.

“Again Eddie!” Buck ordered.

“Stop.” Eddie croaked. 

“You want to hurt someone fine! Hurt me.” Eddie stumbled back, Buck followed him. “Hit me!”

“Buc-”

“Come on Eddie! You want to play fight club then do it. Hit me!” 

“Why?” Eddie gasped. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why am I doing this? I’m giving you what you want right? A solid target, why are you doing this? The hell made you start punching people?” He couldn’t breathe. Eddies knees buckled. His lungs ached as he sucked in a rattling breath.

“Eddie-” Bucks voice sounded like it was coming from underwater.

“You left. He missed you, I missed you” Eddie could tase bile as he talked. Could taste the salt of tears beginning to spill down his cheeks. “He kept asking for you, He kept asking where you were, why you didn’t want to see him, he’d wake up screaming your name, needing to know if you were okay and I couldn’t do  _ anything _ . Christopher needed you.” He croaked. “I needed you.” He confessed in a breath. “I needed you and you weren’t there and I can’t, I can’t control anything I can’t help anyone but when I’m here I don’t need to I just need to be able to throw a punch and-” He flinched as Bucks hands came to his face, waiting for the hit. It didn’t come.

“Eddie.” Buck breathed. Eddie felt his chest crack open. Felt the sorrow seeping in, suffocating the anger and filling its place. 

“I needed you.” Eddie sobbed. “I- Fuck- I can’t do this alone. I needed you and you werent-” Bucks hands framed his face, forcing his head back up until he was looking a Bucks beaten face. Eddies hands came up, gripping Bucks wrists.

“I’m here.” Buck said. “Eddie, I’m here. I’m always here man.”

“You weren’t.” Eddie choked. “You cut us out you-”

“I was trying to get back to you.” Buck said, thumb stroking a trail down his jaw, Eddie breathed in as it crept down. The cavern in his chest shifting. “Without my job I'm nothing, I needed my-

“You weren’t nothing without your job!” Eddie hissed. “You were still Buck, you-”

“I didn’t feel like me.” Buck said. “I know you guys think I’m being over-dramatic or whatever but that job, it’s my life. It’s the only thing I've ever done that’s mattered. It gave me a purpose, it gave me a family. You guys, the 118, You are my family and I felt like that was being taken away from me so I had to fight to get it back. But now I'm back and man, nothing in this world could take me away again. You know I was offered millions from that lawsuit and instead of moving to Hawaii to drink from coconuts I said nah, I’d prefer to make a shitty wage and get beaten half to death by Andre the giants little brother.” A wet laugh echoed out of Eddie, his fingertips dug into Bucks wrists, holding him in place, reminding himself Buck was there. Not dead under a ladder trunk or drowned by a tsunami or legally blocked from talking to him, but there, under his hands.

“I’m back, Eddie, and I refuse to have done all of this to get back to you guys just to lose you to a brain hemorrhage or a jail cell because-” Eddie swallowed Bucks words, pressing his lips against Bucks. Buck’s fingers twitched against his cheeks, a squeak of pain vibrated through their lips. Eddie jolted back, tongue darting across his lips tasting the tang of coppery blood as he blinked, wide-eyed at Buck.

“Did you just kiss me?” Buck gaped. “You did just kiss me right? That’s not like a concussion tinged hallucination?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, no thats, you should have, definitely should have. Much better than the punching.” Eddie’s heart plummeted, his eyes shifting to the purple swelling at Bucks eye, swelling he only made worse.

“I’m sor-” Eddie started

“We’re definitely doing that again when I can feel my face.” Buck decided. “The kissing, not the punching.” he clarified. “Lots of it. Like all the time.”

“What do we do now?” Eddie asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe boxing? Definitely therapy.” Buck hummed, thumbs still trailing up and down Eddie’s jaw. A wet laugh broke from Eddie’s throat. His eyes traced the wounds on bucks face.

“Are you okay?”

“Please, After ladder truck and a tsunami this is nothing.” Buck blinked his good eye, horror dawning. “You don’t think they’re going to put me on medical leave for this, do you?

“I don’t know..if they do maybe try and refrain from getting a lawyer involved?” Eddie joked lamely, it shouldn’t have been funny, shouldn’t have made Buck laugh but it did and Eddie watched with a smile as Buck let out a snort of laughter. A snort that quickly hanged to a pained groan.

“Can you take me to the hospital?”

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Aria for letting me annoy you for hours with this fic and helping me figure out how to actually like, write it. Youre a true hero <3


End file.
